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[19 Sep 2006|02:12am]
stfu apple, you're supposed to be the cute, original and artistic persons computer, if you whore yourself you'll become the next windows.
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[23 Aug 2006|01:58am]
My fondness weathers so easily with time.
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[25 Jul 2006|11:50pm]
I'm always behind. On everything.
3 comments|post comment

[20 Jul 2006|12:34pm]
3/4 new emails junk.
hotmail, you're losing it.
3 comments|post comment

[18 Jul 2006|03:33pm]
I want an ipod.
4 comments|post comment

[03 May 2006|01:11am]
What the fuck is this? Trauma? Like, 'I'm a huge fucking retard' head-trauma. I just feel like shit and my head won't start stopping. Too much going on, I've just been set off by NOTHING. NOTHING at all. But it's making me freak out.
What the fuck have I done? I can't even take toll of what my head is doing. And great... if I saw someone make this post I'd be like "what a fucking idiot".
Good job, me. Too bad I feel some stupid obligation to still post.

I feel unsafe. I'm throwing away what little nothing I have to try for something but the less I have the less I want.
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[27 Apr 2006|07:54pm]
I don't think we, as humans, spend enough time upside-down.
4 comments|post comment

[24 Apr 2006|03:28am]
I don't have the freedom to 'be myself', like so many of you enjoy.
3 comments|post comment

[10 Apr 2006|01:28am]
If matter can neither be created nor destroyed, then it is my firm belief that there is no such thing as "waste" of any sort.

Suppose you were standing at a crossroads on some barren land. You see a man coming from the south, heading north. You know which way he came from. He is not coming from the west. Now, say you can witness every "crossroads" he is traveling through at that point in time, not just physically. Think what's going on in his head, how he might be traveling mentally from one thought to another. If you stood there in that metaphorical crossroads, you could see the same things. In EVERY aspect of him. You could map the guy out as himself. He'll still be walking north through a crossroads. You can see which way he hailed from and which way he's going. Break down every aspect of this man into "crossroads". See every thought, and break it down even more. Break him down to his DNA. Break those down to their atoms, I don't care.
Now, if you rewound time by thirty seconds... if made him untrek his crossroads by 30 seconds in every aspect, then hit play, would anything change? Would he be walking from the east, now? The answer is "no". That's impossible. It is my strong belief, then that things can not transpire any way than the way things are going.
Now apply this concept to a larger scale, maybe humanity in general. Put more people on these crossroads, see where they're coming from. Put their atoms on crossroads. Think now, of the earth and where it's going. You see it's heading the same direction with relativity to the sun and it's not going to go any different way if you were to rewind then play. Think of the direction an atom is moving in the sun, bouncing off other atoms. Think of a still-frame wherein you see every atom the ocean, let's say, and every direction they're heading. Now play... Atoms heading to the same place collide at specific angles and bounce off, like how you'd expect a ball to bounce off another ball in a game of pool. Rewind. Put the atoms back in their starting places by reversing their direction or, the "flow of time", and they'll end up back in the still frame. Play again. There is no random movement in the ocean. Think now, of the ocean of your head. There is no random movement in your brain, either. The way you think, you were brought there; your brain was given momentum by the way you grow up. Now it flows. Say you're hungry. You get up to eat and you see a friend's number on a post-it on the fridge. You eat, then thinking of your friend you call this person and they come over to "play". Rewind every atom everywhere back to how they were when you sat on the couch. You've "uneaten" so you're hungry. You, with the same urges on an atomic exactness, head over to the fridge. You would not have done anything differently from when you had before, you'd still see the number. You'd still eat, still call, still play.
Why do I keep saying "rewind" time as though it were possible? I don't think it is, but that doesn't mean it doesn't make things make sense. Though you can't witness it, you can 'know' that things move in certain directions, that they all have a momentum, that matter can neither be created nor destroyed. With this, you can know that things will not end up any differently than how they would end up.
People think about the "beginning", where we came from, what "created" us. Why is there a beginning? Who said there had to be? 1 on the number system is only relative. It is 1 digit with relativity to the positive direction from 0. -8 is eight digits with negative relativity to something we call 0. In 'existence', as it is called, we are right now. All things we've done are but mere recollections. You can't recall time's passage, you can recall the relativity in which things have occurred. Yesterday occurred after two days ago, etc.. The reason we can have thoughts is because of the movement of things in our head, they have a flow. They travel crossroads. They have momentum. Now = 0. Yesterday = -1 with respect to a scale of days. One minute ago = -1 with respect to a scale of minutes. We might think time is progressing, but if we made an equation, mapping a still-frame of everything in 'existence', we would have one variable: time. Input the date, the second, the instant and all movements are calculated to our "still-frame". Not that time progresses; that is a human concept, much like "waste". Who's to say we were ever anything more than a thought in one instant? Or what about a disruption, a scratch in emptiness?

Now, what if I'm wrong? What if there is a such thing as random movement. There's no logic in random movement, if it did exist, then there'd be no logic PERIOD.
I've heard, however, of factors affecting motion out in space. I think those factors exist, I don't think it's random. Humans cannot hear the sonar of a bat. We know it's there, however. We just had to develop tools capable of picking up on the bat's sound-frequency. Now, if we can never find some bridge to this "chaos factor", then it may forever parallel our known logic. There are still frequencies of our human mind that I feel are not detectable by contemporary sciences. But those still follow some logic, can still be broken down into crossroads, can still be calculated using time. I believe that 1=1 and our 'existence' is derived from this equation.
These are simple thoughts, nothing more. I just feel that knowing simple truths will allows us to interpret the "grand scheme" of things.

In all of this I realize that I am human. I have a niche. As a human I have emotions and feel pain. I am healthy, I believe, and thus have no desire to die or feel pain. Why endure something I'm naturally not supposed to enjoy? Why would I go against the sanity, the simple truths of my nature? My only "human" goal is to seek out non-pains, seek out pleasures, conveniences. This is a simple goal, but it draws out other goals, maps them out. It describes my "complex" goals, like simple truths describe "complex" truths.

"Why do you care?" I don't. I never did. I just never had anything else to do. Dying would be something to do, but it goes against our evolution (again, as a healthy human it isn't our nature to 'die'). What suicidal creatures could meet the requirements to evolve? Not that they don't exist, they just don't reproduce like evolving ones do.

Spirits. Hmm. That's probably what I referred to earlier as something we can't quite detect in the human mind with current technology. I do think they exist in the physical world. If not, the other "world" in which they live has some logic to it.

Oh, the world is so incredibly simple, I kid everyone not.
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[09 Apr 2006|07:26pm]
I'm so confused.

Just kidding. I honestly don't think I've ever been confused in my life. Ignorance of a situation people speak of is not confusion.
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